Sam, I'm Sorry
by supernaturalsammy67
Summary: In their time apart, Sam's aching to speak to Dean again, what happens if he does? In his weakest moment. Season 5. Tag to Free To Be You And me/The End


**Just a little one shot, doting on my ...ahem...our...favorite lads. **

**Set just after Sam took off in season five...sniff...my god that broke my bloody heart!**

**And when the hunters came...arrghh noo!!! Look out! but ah...anyway, spoilers for season 5 and...language ensue. Take it as though, Dean hasn't seen the future yet and he still misses Sam, cos duh...course he does! For the sake of the story.**

**Summary: In their time apart, Sam's aching to speak to Dean again, what happens if he does? In his weakest moment. Season 5. Tag to Free To Be You And me/The End**

**Warning: Language and limp...I liikkkee. Example. There's nothing like a good fucking fight!**

**Disclaimer: I don't even own any of season 5 yet, you sue. That dream will never come true...NEVER!**

Sam looked at himself in the mirror, blood was still on his neck, on his shirt, in his hair, he could _taste _the tang in his mouth.

Demon blood.

Sam grunted, wincing he grabbed the washcloth and put it under the hot water, let the heat and steam clean him, get rid of the blood, of him ever having the blood.

But God did he miss it, just a little. And that was a weakness he couldn't afford, not now and not ever again.

Sam spat into the sink in the tiny bathroom, rinsed out his mouth and spat again.

The water was still pink, blood still coating his tongue, sticking to his lips, and he couldn't ever _rip it out or scrub it clean. I'm a whole new level of freak._

Sam blinked against the memory.

He met his own gaze in the mirror, hazel eyes. No black. And he was keeping it that way.

Sighing, Sam turned on the cold tap and rinsed the cloth, when his fingers started to go numb he shut it off and squeezed the material, folded it slightly and gently let it rest over his jaw, over his cheek.

He'd caught a miraid of punches across his body and the other hunters were anything but giving when they'd jerked his arms behind his back and forced his mouth open.

Sam let a sob escape his lips. He was just forced to drink Demon blood by _hunters_, after he'd confessed to them, if Dean knew anything about this...

"Dean" Sam whispered.

No. He couldn't, wouldn't call Dean. He didn't want to speak to Sam, but he could speak to the next best thing.

xoxox

"Hey Bobby" He grinned, the old guy looked more hagged as the days bore on, and he was still ever staring through book after book, finding anything they could use against the devil and all.

"Hey Dean" Bobby said, slamming the latest volume shut with a plume of dust.

"Mind me staying here tonight? I mean I'd go to another hotel but Cas is just, constantly _there. _"

"No, course not boy. You and your brother..." Bobby gave a shy glance to the eldest Winchester. "You know you're welcome son"

Dean nodded. "Yeah well, I'm gonna bring in my bags so..."

"Oh- hey I found something, just a line or so but if we figured it out, it could help us"

"Yeah? That sounds good Bobby"

Bobby took off into the kitchen, grabbing the latest books and starting some dinner.

On the table by the bookcase, Bobby's cell started its shrill ring and Dean absently picked the small device up, not paying much attention to the caller I.D.

"Hey" He grunted.

_"Bobby?...Hey, uh...it's Sam"_

Dean's stomach suddenly dropped, his heart was in his throat and his voice ceased to exist.

"_Listen, uh I know you...you're all kindsa busy, so uhm...just letting you know. Some hunters came through today, I don't know where they heard it but...they _knew _about me, about...what I've done and I dunno, just thought...Dean- if you could let him know, they might be after him, like they came after me. They know he's alone...like me, but uh...yeah"_

Dean wanted, _needed _to tell Sam, ask him if he was okay? What did they do? Did you kick their ass? But his voice wouldn't work and all he could manage was a small croak.

"_I know- but I can't talk to Dean right now. He doesn't...he doesn't need me messing up anymore and...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." _Dean heard Sam's quick inhale, his voice think as if he'd been crying, or he was hurt or both. _"I am. So if you could just warn him, that'd be ...if you could, please?...So I'll be going then. Gotta clean up...uhm maybe leave this town. I don't know, Thanks Bobby, Bye"_

Dean blinked at the dial tone.

Sam sounded...he sounded so desperate, so alone.

"Dean? Who was it boy?"

Dean's mouth opened and nothing came out.

xoxo

Sam pressed the phone close to his ear. "Bobby...hey, uh...it's Sam"

He didn't pay too close attention to the way _Bobby's _voice seemed to pause, to breathe.

"Listen, uh I know you...you're all kindsa busy, so uhm...just letting you know. Some hunters came through today, I don't know where they heard it but...they _knew_ about me, about...what I've done and I dunno, just thought...Dean- if you could let him know, they might after him, like they came after me. They know he's alone...like me, but uh...yeah"

Sam sighed, Bobby wasn't even answering him, he was probably disapointed too, just like Dean still was.

Tears stung at his eyes and his lungs shuddered a breath.

Sam gripped the phone tigher and hung his head, a tear slipping off the tip of his nose and he sniffed quickly.

"I know- but I can't talk to Dean right now. He doesn't...he doesn't need me messing up anymore and...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." Sam bit his lip, his chin trembling.

Sam exhaled, his ribs aching and the lump in his throat getting bigger. He winced as he squeezed his eyes.

_"_I am. So if you could just warn him, that'd be ...if you could, please?...So I'll be going then. Gotta clean up...uhm maybe leave this town. I don't know, Thanks Bobby, Bye"

Sam dropped the phone with a clatter on the bathroom floor and he didn't make a move to get it, didn't make a sound until his silent crying had to get out and he heaved in a breath, his hands bracing over his stomach, over his chest as it shook and the bruises felt on fire again.

"Dean" He sobbed and slid his back against the wall, fell to the floor and smacked his head back on the wall. Tear streams falling down his cheeks, his red rimmed eyes leaking.

"Guh....Dean...I'm sorry..."

Sam blinked at his sprawled legs just touching the bathroom door.

And with a sigh, closed his eyes and let the nightmares come.

x0x0

"Dean?"

Dean blinked, he dropped the phone back on the table and looked down at Bobby.

"Sam" He breathed.

"Sam? You speak to 'im?" Bobbed edged.

Dean shook his head. "He's...he's in trouble"

"What? He tell you what happened?"

Dean shook his head again, his eyes starring. "No, he thought _I _was you" Dean swallowed. "Some hunters- they came after him, they _know _Bobby! He's hurt...he's hurt I know he is"

Dean franitcally pulled out his automatic, checked the clip and switched the safety off, then back on. "I have to go" Dean said, his eyes imploring.

"Go! Get him back, hurry son!"

Bobby gave the smallest of smiles as Dean ran through his porch doors. "Go get him back kiddo"

Dean fired up the impala, skidded on the loose gravel and shot out onto the highway.

He was, he was sorry too and damn it if he was gonna' lose the kid over a fucking war that neither of them was even part of. So what? If they were needed. Dean didn't care, he didn't actually feel anything this second other than a too fast beating heart and thoughts of Sam, Sam...get to Sam. Get him back.

Dean growled as he pressed his foot down, he was getting to Sam right now, and was it weird that he knew exactly where to go without a map.

He just _knew _where his family was.

xoxox

A loud knock shook the door to Sam's room and he blinked, still sat in the bathroom, tears now long since dried to his face.

The door shook again with another heavy thud and Sam awkwardly sat up, stiff aching limbs being forced to move.

He gasped as he knocked his side on the door handle and spread a large hand over his ribs.

This time the door splintered and Sam froze. His eyes widening and he slowed his breathing, stood stock still.

The force struck again and Sam winced. He didn't think it was a happy hunting party.

Sam closed his eyes briefly. The door splintered again and he dropped his arms by his sides, he thought they might come back and he wasn't lying anymore.

_I'll be here._

And he was.

Finally the door gave, splintered and on it's hinges and three men wandered in.

He knew the blondesaw his fist marks on the guys face, the same one that had sqaured with him not five hours ago. The other two men were new.

"Hi Sam"

Sam set his face, don't let them see any fear son.

"You need to come with us, too many witnesses here" The blonde smiled.

One of the other hunters stood beside Sam, just an inch shorter perhaps and thrust out his hands.

"Give me your hands kid" He said.

Sam frowned. "I'm not going anywhere with you"

"Actually, you are" The darker haired sniggered as he shut the curtains and locked the broken door. He pulled out Sam's cellphone and shit, it must've scattered into the room. "Or we call your brother and we decide if _he's _worth hunting like you, or not"

Sam's lip curled. "You son of a bitch, you leave him out of this"

"Then just do as we say, then you'll not have a problem" The darker haired one grinned, passed the cell to the blonde and Sam surrendered his hands, which were roughly jerked into handcuffs and he was pushed backwards, cuffed to the underside panels of the bed.

"Sit down" And he did, but with one hell of a 'Fuck-off' stare even Dean would be proud of.

"You wouldn't help me earlier, so...I've been thinking. You're only powerful when you've got your blood and you wouldn't take it...so"

He pulled out a vial, and a syringe. "We're going to give you that extra boost" The hunter stuck the tip of the needle into the vial and withdrew a thick red substance.

"No..." Sam's heart hammered against his ribs. "I already said no! I'm not doing that anymore!"

The darker haired man shook his head and took the syringe himself. "Relax Sam, you'll be feeling high and happy any minute now"

Sam jerked on the handcuffs and the bed pulled with him.

"Hold him down"

Two pairs of hand tugged over Sam's shoulders and pinned him down and back to the bed post.

"NO!" Sam writhed and squirmed, he was shouting loud enough to alert _someone _he hoped.

The fist to his face caught him offguard and he grunted at the deep pain, same fucking place they'd hit earlier.

A belt found its way into his mouth and pulled at the back of his neck as theytightened it, he screamed and he cursed but he doubted they could even understand what he was trying to say.

Looking up in fear, the darker haired man had the syringe and he was fucking smiling.

"Hold on Sam, it'll just hurt for a second"

Sam blinked at the moisture in his eyes, stared hard ahead. He didn't want this idiot jabbing him with what he was sure was Demon blood, he didn't _want _anymore of that stuff, didn't these people _get _that!?

He kicked out with his legs, frustrated and frantic and desperate to do anything to get that needle away from his skin.

A boot hit him in the ribs and his legs dropped like lead.

He gasped, the belt blocked his airway as he tried and heaved air into his body with his nose, the hunter dropped beside him, sharp instrument ready and pulled Sam's shirt up, tugged his arm as far as he could with the cuffs and tipped the needle tip at the crook of his elbow.

Sam was screaming behind the gag, releasing every ouch of strength as he could but he just got held down, kept still and the needle tore into his skin, no tenderness in the way it was struck straight into his veins, pressed harsh and tight ans Sam slammed his head back, he didn't even want to _see_ this happening.

Sam _felt _the plunger go down and the cool contents enter his arm.

Suddenly his head ached, he felt like lead, too heavy, too hot, too damn cold and shit, he'd never taken any Demon blood straight in his blood before, he couldn't feel his body and they released him, let him hang limp and Sam heard with outragious volume the syringe clatter to the floor.

The hunters were talking, asking questions he thought, his thoughts were jumbled enough and he realized his head was resting over his chest, hard poking metal in his back, he was still on the floor, still cuffed and looking down he jerked suddenly.

He could see his arm, see a black spot where the needle went in and spiralling black web-like veins traveling up his arm. His breathing sped up and he snapped his head up.

The hunters were stood around him, looking down, some looks with fear and Sam blinked.

"I'm telling you, I saw his eyes...they went black"

Sam flinched. _Oh God...had that happened again?_

"He's not possessed, I checked...is he? Like...part demon now or- what the hell did you give him?"

Sam groaned, pushing the belt with his tongue.

"Shut up, he'll be all juiced up to kill that demon now"

"What if he kills us?"

Sam groaned again and he felt the quick kick to his thigh to shut him up.

"We need to take him with us, the faster he kills that Demon with that stuff still him him, the faster we can train him...I heard he was addicted to the stuff- if he wants it, he'll do what we say"

Sam's eyes widened, that's what they wanted him for? They wanted to use him like their own Supernatural weapon?

Sam shook his head, slurring his words behind the gag.

Another set of hands opened the handcuffs and pulled him up, resetting them again when he didn't fall and they began to push him towards the door.

Sam swung his body back, knocking the hunter holding him and winced when the man hit his head on the edge of bed in a small burst of red.

"HEY!"

Sam dodged the punch to his face, instead took two the stomach and another jab to his ribs had him kneeling on the floor, nothing to brace his fall as he tipped back.

The door suddenly bust open, half of it hitting one of the two remaining concious hunters in the back of the head and he fell forward, out cold.

"Get the hell away from my brother" Dean's voice screamed 'don't-fuck-with-me' and the gun cocking had the last hunter straightening, his hands rising meaning no harm.

Sam turned his face in the carpet. They'd called Dean, they must of and now he was here to help them, to finish the job. Sam turned away as far as he could, he didn't want to see the hate and the disapointment in Dean's eyes.

Dean's eyes darted to his fallen brother, back to the hunters who'd done this.

"You start thinking Sammy's fair game, there's a coffin with your name on"

Dean stood forward and Sam could feel his eyes burning holes in his back.

"What you do to him?"

"We heard the stories Dean, come on- he's not really your brother now-he's something else"

"What. Did. You. Do. To. My. Brother?"

Dean set his jaw, narrowed his eyes. Made sure he had every exit covered.

"We were using him...he can ice demons, so we...nudged him along"

Guilt swirled in the hunters eyes as Dean's turned dark.

"You what?" he growled, the threat veiled there clear to anyone.

"The Demon blood...if he can kill them-"

Dean's gun fired in a burst of sound.

The blonde hunters hair now streaked with red as his body fell.

Dean's lips curled as fiery rage crippled him and he shuddered a breath, looking to find his brother and dropping to his knees.

"Sammy...? Hey?"

Gentle hands reached out, turning Sam over.

His brother was breathing heavy, eyes clenched as shivers wracked his form.

Dean tugged off the belt, throwing it behind him disgustedly.

"Sam? Hey- I'm gonna' uncuff you oka-"  
"No!" Sam gasped, his eyes snapping open as his nostrils flared and his forehead creased in pain.

Dean frowned down at Sam. "Sam?"

"Stay away from me!"

Sam's eyes glanced across to the leftover syringe and Dean followed his gaze.

"What-what was in that?" Dean asked, panicked.

Sam grimaced. "B-blood...they had Demon blood..."

Dean's eyes widened, glazed over by fear and Sam blinked at the bodies in the room.

"Y-you didn't...you're not here to kill me?" Wild hazel eyes blinked up at Dean.

"Sam...no, wh-why would you think that? I'm here to _save _you"

Sam had a moment in when he looked up at Dean and he actually saw his brother again.

"I'm sorry..." Sam breathed, lips quivering. "I'm so-"

"Hey, It's okay Sammy. Me too...I know. We need to get you out of here, to Bobby's..."

Sam nodded, sweat already coating his face.

Dean went to release Sam's hands again and Sam flinched.

"Dean-they put it straight in my bloodstream...I've never...I mean...I never did that...keep me cuffed-please, I don't want to hurt you"

Dean nodded, hesitantly and then wrapped his arms around a wincing Sam, lifting him and almost dragging him out to the car.

Dean opened the passenger side and Sam mumbled something under his breath, his head tipped forward.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Put me in the back..." Sam said breathless.

"Sam, why-"  
"Please..."

Dean grunted, tugging Sam to sit or more sprawl over the back seat.

He picked the handcuffs, ignoring Sam's squirms when he pushed him away, weakly at that.

"Relax, this'll be more comfortable"

The cuffs clicked back in place, this time Sam's hands rested in his lap and he sagged back. The starting heat pouring off his body and the shaking he felt in his limbs already progressing.

The next thing he knew the engine was starting and he was rocked back as Dean sped along.

Sam saw Dean's eyes constantly check the rearview, looking at him with fear and concern in his eyes.

Not disappointment.

"How're you feeling Sammy?"

Sam huffed a breath before answering. "Withdrawal's sta-arting..."

"Just hold on, we'll be in the panic room soon...I'm not leaving you Sammy"

Sam nodded. Feeling his eyes slip to halfmast.

His arm was aching, where the needle stung to the top of his shoulder and it was slowly spreading.

The air seemed to become thinner and he clenched his eyes as a painful tremor ran through him.

"Ughhh.....Dean...drive faster"

Pleading eyes locked onto Dean's in the reaview and he felt the heavy car jolt as it sped up.

Sam sank his head back, his neck bent as he closed his eyes and focused on breathing in and out, riding out the waves of pain that were searing through him.

He fought the flashes, the hallucinations he knew were coming.

If he'd learnt anything from Ruby it was never to take a hit this way, never take more than you can handle and he'd been clean for months..._for months._ Now he was feeling the familiar cycle and reeling from the overdose he was certainly not ready for.

Sam frowned suddenly, remembering the bodies back at his room.

"Y-you killed'im...." Sam whispered, his mind slowly being taken over.

The car rolled to a stop, hours passing by without Sam's notice except the small moans of pain he gave every now and then.

Dean heaved him out of the car, Bobby had been filled in and he had the room ready, ready for both of them to be with Sam.

It was the only way it worked last time, the only way to dry him out.

"Sammy...you hear me?" Dean grunted, lifting and dragging him up Bobby's porch as the light flicked on the worried older hunter lead Dean in, bringing Sam straight down the basement steps and straight onto the cot.

"You see how much they gave him?" Bobby rushed, peeling Sam's rolling eyes open and checking the pupils.

"Half? A full needle I don't know...I got him the heck outta there. He hasn't been on the stuff for months, now a few drops and he's-"

"It's right in his blood Dean...it's a lot more effective than ingesting"

Sam started panting, like there wasn't enough oxygen to breathe in the room.

"God son calm him down, he's going to have a damn heart attack"

Dean pressed his palm against Sam's chest, feeling his heartbeat quicken. He gripped Sam's wrist, leaning closely to his brother.

"Sammy...c'mon...calm down...breathe with me, can you hear me? It's Dean. You're safe...I heard you on the phone earlier- to Bobby. I'm sorry to....Sammy I'm sorry too"

Sam grunted, his handcuffed hands fisted as he jerked and his muscles tensed.

They mustve stayed with him like that for hours, well into the next morning and Sam was a shaking sweaty mess.

"Hey kid" Dean sat near the cot, leaning over to wipe Sam's face with a cool cloth. "How'd you feel now?"

Sam's eyes opened to halfmast, his throat raw when he eventually started screaming, dried tears on his face making it feel tight.

"...like I lost in a fight...with a wall..." Sam's lips parted and he sighed.

"Well you look like it Sam, those hunters did a number on your chest. You were breathing wrong...we had to wrap your ribs...is" Dean paused, sitting closer to Sam. "Is it over? Can you still feel it?"

Sam shook his head weakly, swallowing. "No" He croaked. "Just feel drained..."

Dean nodded.

They let the sound of eachothers breathing fill the space.

"Dean" Sam said huskily.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks...thanks for coming back for me"

Sam's eyes slid across to his brother, Dean's hand snaking to wrap around his.

Dean squeezed, seeing the lone tear run over Sam's cheek. "Don't sweat it. You're my brother right?..."

_For you or Dad, the things I'm willing to do or kill, it scares me sometimes..._

"I'm not leaving you"

It was a _promise_ this time.

"Okay" Sam breathed. Glad this wasn't a dream.

**Hmm. Not sure how I feel about this ...maybe rushed? Tried to finish it off but eehh well. It needed sorting and sending off :)**

**Thanks for reading!**


End file.
